Have you ever been mad at God? I have, but truthfully
didn't want to admit it. I’m thinking to
myself, this the God who loves me, who saved me, who delivered me, who healed
me - - I could never be mad at HIM, right? So for a while, I just masked it; fought
through it, never quite being real enough to really ever get through it. And then I heard a Word that would change my
life forever.
Have you ever had a breaking point? It’s like a series of
events that culminates in an explosion of emotions that make you wonder and
think to yourself, “How did I even get here?”
Well, that’s what started it for me and my husband. Last Saturday, my husband and I had the
argument of all arguments, and it was over something stupid. It escalated and escalated, and the next
thing I knew, I had jumped out of the car, and was walking down Market Street,
not really sure where I was going or what I was doing, but I just knew that the
pressure of life right now was too much.
And I knew that we didn't argue like this. And I was mad at God about it. Yes, God.
As I’m walking, I’m crying out to Him - - why, why, why!
Please help me understand! My husband
graciously circled the car, picked me up, tears streaming down my face, and
there was silence until we got to the house.
As we pulled up, I apologized to him, saying I just don’t know why I feel
this way, or why the pressure of life has me this way, or why we’re here, and I
just know what God said – but that’s all I have is a Word. I don’t have anything else right now, and my
faith, my hope, my love, my peace, it’s all dwindling.
My husband, Sam understood. Truthfully he felt the same way. We prayed, embraced,
still unsure of what’s to lie ahead, but had a calm assurance that this was a
turning point. And for those of you
reading, don’t forsake your breaking point.
It has to happen for you to see your situation clearly. It happens so you can truly rely on God. Faith makes no sense. It’s your breaking point that frees you of
the misconception that you should “feel” a certain kind of way even when you
don’t feel that way. It’s your breaking
point that causes you to see God clearly because you've finally decided to be
honest about how you’re feeling. It’s your breaking point that can cause a turn
in your life; causing you to really walk into your destiny.
I woke up the next morning and I told Sam that God was
doing something great. And that in seven
days, we would see a turn. And a turn,
did we ever see.
I thought, of course, looking naturally that the turn
would be something tangible, financial, but what He would do for us internally
would be far greater.
We come to church that following Sunday, a week later,
and hear a Word about being offended.
And this is one of the things Pastor Freeman stated: “Until you close
the wound of your past you will bleed into your future.” Wow. It was if the
breath had been taken out of me. And
similar to that of a movie, I froze in time, and my mind began to flash back to
where it all started. My mom died suddenly in 2011, and that was the first time
I experienced extreme anger towards God, having so many questions about why He
took her at such a young age. He kept
saying to me, but I've given you more of Me, and I didn't want that. I
wanted her. And that’s the first time,
that I was mad at God - - but here’s the interesting part.
When you begin that ought with God, it does something to
your heart. It puts your heart in a
case, a guard that causes you to view everyone that you love differently. It’s not that you don’t love them, but you
become a skeptic. And I could honestly
reflect and say that I didn't see the good in people anymore, but started to
see the bad in people. I started to
doubt my authority figures, my husband, my father, my friends - - it was hard
for me to see the good first, for fear that God would allow someone to be
something they are not; for fear that I would be hurt; for fear that God would
disappoint me again.
But let me tell you something - - God never desires to
disappoint you. He only wants you to put
Him first in your life. He never desires
for your heart to hurt - - but wants you to give your heart to Him and not to
people. And anything and everything that
He removes from your life is for your good and He has the power to restore it
100 fold. He wants to give you your
peace back! And a hard heart can’t receive peace.
All of this was leaping in my Spirit as I heard the Word
this Sunday and I knew I had to go to the altar and repent. So I went. My husband went too. And we cried before Him, and we received. I no longer feel the weight of a weighed down
heart. I no longer feel skeptical of
those around me who love me. I've
received my healing. And so can you. Think back to the first time you were
offended by God - - and then think about what series of events happened after
that. What relationships became
difficult for you because of this offense? Reflect. Renew. And then choose to
live again. Your best days are ahead of
you!
